It seems recently I have lost my "mojo" - for the lack of a better term. Mojo for scrapbooking is part of it but I feel really lost in my life as a whole. Over the years I have neglected to put me first like many mothers do. I feel yucky, tired and have no drive for anything...least of all scrapbooking. I hate this feeling. It may be because I am not sleeping well (no more than 4 hours a night on average) or it may be because of my weight. It may be that I feel like my life has no direction. It may be that sometimes I think I am married to the world's most insensitive clod. It may be because I feel like I don't deserve my husband. One thing I know for sure is...I am overwhelmed. And that feels really strange to type out. I just feel like I have so much to do...so many things I want to accomplish...and so little time to do it in. And since I have no drive or motivation it just becomes a compounding situation. I was going to type a list of all the things I want to accomplish but I am afraid to see it all typed out. That would probably overwhelm me more.
Looking back over the years I do wish that I spent more time taking care of me - physically, mentally and emotionally. Surrounding myself with more people that make me happy and inspire me. I have made many online relationships in the past few years and I cherish each one but I do wish I had put as much energy into making real life relationships too. I miss having "real" friends. The ones that stop in uninvited to have a cup of coffee. The ones that don't care that I haven't showered or that my floor needs mopping (that's the perk of online friends! ;) ) I am so tired of feeling like I need to be "perfect" to be accepted or loved. I've worn myself out and now I am a mess - physically, mentally and emotionally. It feels kind of lonely here. I just don't know quite where I belong right now.
Somehow, someway I need to regroup. I am lost deep within myself and I need to dig down to my core to uncover my happiness again and start enjoying my very blessed life. I have 2 beautiful little girls. A handsome husband who loves me unconditionally - extra pounds and all. A wonderful home and loving parents that would do anything for their "little girl". I really am blessed.